In high school, my best friend and I planned the most exciting trip we could imagine: we were going to drive the six hours from Phoenix, where we lived, to Los Angeles to see our favorite artist play a concert. We had recently turned 16, so we could drive, and we felt free and excited. This was one of the first “dreams” I can remember getting really excited about.
Well, of course our parents didn’t go for the idea.
Maybe it was just a concert and a trip, but it was the first time I remember planning something out in my head, thinking for sure it was going to happen, a big adventure, sort of a dream almost, since he was our favorite artist… and then being SO let down. I clearly remember thinking I didn’t want to get that attached to something again, unless I could be sure it was going to happen.
We all have these experiences of being let down, of a dream not coming true the way we planned.
The challenge is to remain open, hopeful and committed to each new dream after that.
Here are some ways to face the fear of having big dreams.
1) Don’t share your dream with everyone… Especially at first!
Dreams are not born strong and fully formed. A dream is a very fragile, delicate, vulnerable thing when it is young. You don’t know how you’re going to get there. You really aren’t sure you can. Think of a dream the same way you think of a song seedling: it’s delicate, it needs protection. It will become strong and grow into itself in time, but when it’s young, protect it at all cost from any negative influences.
If and when you do share your young dream with someone close, be sure that you can trust them not to critique it. Sharing a dream does not mean asking for feedback. You may want to warn your friend that you do not want to hear feedback at this early stage. The most well-intentioned feedback can crush an early dream forever.
2) Be specific, but be flexible.
You need to be specific so that you know how to follow your dream, and so that you know when you’ve achieved it – because it’s unlikely to look exactly like the picture you have in your head.
For example, I wrote in a journal last year that I wanted to find a band where the band personal dynamics were great, the music was fun to play and sing, the band members were motivated and dedicated, and we had a dedicated fan following so that we always played to a good-sized audience. I looked at the journal a few months later, and found that I had landed squarely in the middle of one incarnation of that dream – even though it didn’t look exactly as I had imagined.
You also must be flexible because if you are too rigid in the definition and execution of your dream, you are unable to react to and adjust to reality. You’re less able to take advantage of opportunities that don’t fit into a narrowly defined plan.
3) Don’t expect to map out the entire way. Just start.
Say you want to move from Denver to New York for your music career. When you drive from Denver to New York at night, you can’t see the whole way. You can only see the road a few hundred yards in front of you, lit by your headlamps. But you know the general direction. And you just keep going, making choices and taking turns along the way. Eventually you get there.
If you CAN see all the details in how to get from here to there, your dream is probably way too small. What if you ever only drove as far as you could see in your headlights *right now*? You’d only be able to go a quarter mile at a time! You would never gain any speed.
You have to set the direction and trust that you’ll keep figuring things out as they come. Even the destination may change; you may get to Nashville and decide you like that better than you’re likely to enjoy New York, and settle there instead. And that’s OK, as long as you realize the destination isn’t about the details, the destination is about the big picture.
And the journey is the important part anyway. The destination is just a direction.
…
I’ve got a BIG dream I’m not sharing yet… 🙂 Do you?
(c) 2011 Adrienne Osborn
Adrienne Osborn is a vocalist and performance coach based in Colorado. For more free articles and tips, visit https://PerformanceHigh.net.
